So this blog is supposed to be about life right? For the past 7 months it's been about our baby. While I love documenting this journey, I also want this blog to be honest and real. This past week I've had so many topics running through my mind that has been on my prayer list. The three that stand out the most are racism, miscarriage, and marriage. I'd like to go in to detail about each one with my own personal thoughts and feelings.
Racism: I absolutely HATE it! Not only is it dumb and completely irrational, it's heartbreaking. The shooting that happened in Charleston last week made me sick to stomach. Partially because there was no reason other than it being a racial hate crime and partially because this is the world I have to raise my daughter in. I grew up in a racist town, have racist family members and friends, and yet I met the love of my life at college who happens to be African American. As we drove to my home town this past weekend, plastered on a billboard sign was a picture of a little white girl that read "It's not racist to love your people. WhitePrideRadio.com" I freaked out! What the what??? How disturbing and disgusting! I will never ever understand it. What makes those people think they are better than everyone who is different than them? Where do they think everyone in the world came from? Do they seriously think God only made white people? How delusional! I was so embarrassed and I hate telling people where I'm from because that is the first thing everyone always talks about. If that billboard stays up until my daughter can read it for herself when we go visit Nana and Papa, I pray that God puts the appropriate words in our mouths for that conversation. I hate the way white people stare at my husband because he's not white, I hate the things people say and think about him without even knowing him, and I hate that racism is still being taught to the young children today. I pray for change. If that young boy who shot up that church had racist thoughts and feelings, they had to have started somewhere. He didn't learn to be racist, he was taught! Please God, change the hearts and minds of those who feel that way.
Miscarriage: While I'm not even sure if this is a topic I should be discussing, it's been weighing on my heart lately. I have never had a miscarriage and while I fear every single day that something might go wrong in my pregnancy, I know God is in control. I have many friends who have experienced this terrible experience and my heart aches for them. I never know what to say or if I should even say anything so I just don't, but they are definitely on my mind and in my heart. I know when Bradley and I were trying to conceive and it took a little longer than what I thought it should I was in total freak out mode that it might not ever happen for us. Then when those two pink lines popped up it was overwhelming joy. I can't imagine what it feels like to feel that and then it get taken away so soon. I pray that God gives those experiencing this pain, comfort and peace even though I know if it was me, it would still be extremely hard to handle.
Marriage: My favorite topic. I recently started a marriage bible study plan and have really enjoyed it so far. We have been married for almost two years and while it has been great, it hasn't been a cake walk. I think if you were to ask Bradley about our marriage, he would say it's great and we've had it pretty easy. Which we have, however; I am a female and am way more emotional than him. My mind is constantly in overdrive and it never stops. I can let the smallest things bother me when he probably hasn't even thought about it. Men and women are so so SO different and I didn't really realize that until we got married. So far in our bible study, it's really hit hard on not having a typical worldly marriage. To not let the world define your marriage and to stay away from temptation. My favorite analogy so far is "Like a canoe, marriages often drift. There's no obvious conflict or struggle, just subtle distractions that lull spouses asleep. Couples hardly notice they're losing interest in one another until they end up somewhere they never intended to be." That is so true. I know Bradley and I both get so caught up in work and the every day grind sometimes that we can't remember the last time we went on a date or had a conversation that wasn't about work, money, etc. We are striving to make our marriage better and stronger before our baby girl comes and this bible study is preparing my mind/heart for what's to come.
Happy Father's Day, Daddy! 11 weeks until we get to meet our sweet Liv! :)
