I’ve had a lot on my mind these past couple of weeks as we started a new year. Every year, I always try to think of a word to represent what I will strive for in that year to come. I’ve struggled to find a word this year. I don’t think that I’m going to choose one. I always make resolutions and do pretty well until mid-February and then I fall off. As many Americans do. I have struggled for months to find “more” in every aspect of my life it seems. I want more money, more quality time with my husband and baby, more consistency, more energy, more motivation. What I have realized is that I don’t need more of any of those things. What I need more of is Jesus and all those areas will naturally feel fulfilled. My life feels as if it has been dull. Ever since Liv stopped nursing I have felt a sense of sadness and lack of motivation to do anything. Seriously, it takes everything in my power to do the laundry or do the dishes. Which starts another battle with feeling like I’m being a terrible wife and I’m slacking on my wifey duties. Again, I need more Jesus. We are so richly blessed so why don’t I feel like it? Why do I still feel as if something is missing? Why do I never feel content or happy? As I have set aside some quiet time and have been reading God’s word more, I have come to a very tough realization. It’s not what I need more of, it’s what I need less of. I need minimalism. Simplicity. I need less things and more memories, love, purpose, and intention. Why am I on this earth? Why did God create me? What is His purpose for me? I’m pretty positive that it’s not constantly feeling unhappy and wanting “more.”
A few verses that have really stuck out to me lately are: And he said to them, “Take care, be on your guard against all covetousness, for one’s life does not consist in the abundance of his possessions.” — Luke 12:15
“Sell your possessions, and give to the needy. Provide yourselves with moneybags that do not grow old, with a treasure in the heavens that does not fail, where no thief approaches and no moth destroys. For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also.” — Luke 12:33-34
“Now there is great gain in godliness with contentment, for we brought nothing into the world, and we cannot take anything out of the world. But if we have food and clothing, with these we will be content. But those who desire to be rich fall into temptation, into a snare, into many senseless and harmful desires that plunge people into ruin and destruction.” — I Timothy 6:6-8
It is pretty evident that God is not impressed by our material things and possessions. What He treasures is focus on Him, focusing on our purpose, and taking care of the people in our lives. My love needs to be poured into Him rather than focusing so much of my time wanting “more” of whatever it might be that day. A person of contentment is way more desired than a person of wealth and possessions. We can’t take anything with us when we leave this world and we can’t “work” on ourselves anymore. The time is now. When I let all of those thoughts and feelings go, when I sell things in our home that have no value or meaning to me, when I choose to live joyfully and content. The time is now. So farewell 2016. No resolutions, no word, just ACTIONS. This year will be different. This year will be my year where I really find myself and when I really find my Jesus. I’m excited for a new beginning and am not at all sad to say goodbye to an old me.
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