"You are altogether beautiful, my darling; there is no flaw in you" -Song of Solomon 4:7
So you know that post I did a few months ago about my postpartum body? Yeah, things still haven't really changed for me. I still have negative thoughts and can really beat myself up when it comes to thinking about it. It seems to get worse during the night when Liv is fighting sleep and I get frustrated. Yes, I know I'm probably considered a bad Mom because I let frustration get to me sometimes and she's only 5 months old. It's actually been really bad lately and probably because I've been extra exhausted due to her being sick. I bought 21 Day Fix with some Christmas money and I had been so excited to try it. I just knew that I would drop the inches and the flab super fast while doing it because that's how my body usually reacts to workouts. I tried doing the meal plan at the highest calorie chart, but my milk supply decreased a lot with that. I wasn't getting enough calories and I was not about to sacrifice my milk for my precious babe for my body image. I was noticing a difference in my muscle tone and my stomach seemed a little smaller. I was so excited and couldn't wait until I finished the 21 days to measure myself again. Well, day 21 came and I had only lost a total of 1/2 inch. Are you kidding me? I've been working my butt off and I only lose 1/2 inch. I was so discouraged even though I knew I was looking a little different, I still have major flab and loose skin. Granted it usually takes multiple rounds of the program to see major results but I was already vulnerable when it came to my body. I got depressed again and that's when the negative thoughts started creeping back up. I just don't understand. I don't understand how so many women get a better body after baby, how they lose the flab so fast, how they don't get stretch marks. I just don't understand why some do and some don't. I've been skinny my whole life and I never worried about getting my body back after babies because I thought I was naturally blessed. WRONG! I pray about it, I try to ward off those thoughts that the devil creates in my head. It's hard.
I was scrolling through Pinterest the other day and saw this quote:
It caught my attention so I clicked on the link. It was exactly what I needed at that point. I needed some reassurance in my body. I needed to hear that God still loved it and loved me. He created me to be a woman and to bear children. He gave me that blessing. He gave me the ability to carry a healthy child without complications. I should be so thankful for that and I am. It's the after math that I've had such a problem with. I do not regret getting pregnant or having a baby. I love my beautiful girl so much and I would never trade her for a perfect body. That's just the thing, in God's eyes my body is perfect. He doesn't care about the flab or the stretch marks. He created it, He created me, He created Liv. After I read this post, I found a hashtag on Instagram a few nights later called #latenightnursingfeed that was created for nursing Mama's struggling with their body images after baby. You were to comment with one thing you disliked about your postpartum body and 2 things you loved about it. To my surprise I was not alone with my thoughts and feelings. Every Mama on there had the same exact feelings and thoughts that I have. I just knew other Mama's loved their bodies and was having an easier time getting their bodies back. That wasn't the case. They all had different things about their own bodies that they hated and that they loved. That made me think about the things that I actually loved about my body. To be honest, it was really hard to come up with two things. Even one thing, but I knew that I had to stop being so negative and mean to myself. So I chose my two things 1) My body has always produced a good milk supply to feed Liv without supplementing and she is thriving 2) my curves. Bradley loves my postpartum body. He hated me being so skinny before and he loves it even more now. Those two things have really helped me lately. I'm trying my best to keep positive thoughts and to get rid of the negative ones. I'm also trying to improve my prayer life and to give it all to God. My body was bought at an expensive price. God does not want us to be sad or have troublesome hearts. I need to get rid of the negativity and choose to be joyful. I want Liv to see me happy, to see me patient, to see me love myself, and to see her Daddy and I love one another. Even though she doesn't understand right now, she can sense when I'm happy and when I'm not. I'm going to choose joy, positivity, and always keep the vision of Jesus paying the price for me in my heart and mind when those thoughts creep up.
1 Cor. 6:19-20: "Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies."
No comments :
Post a Comment